So, a few weeks back I sent out a Mayday call to advise that March was not going well for me. Did it get any better?
Well, not really. A lot of things went wrong, but here's three in particular for you.
1. Look away if you're eating. Actually, you might want to leave this whole post until long after dinnertime.
Last Sunday the sewage manhole in our back garden clogged, and for two days we couldn't run a shower, wash the dishes, brush our teeth or even look in the direction of a sink without summoning dark forces from the depths out to terrorise our back garden.
We were at the mercy of Scottish Water. After one day without showers we became savages, snapping at each other over dishes left unclean and snarling about who had the right to use the toilet.
Then Scottish Water finally sorted the drains and life returned to normal.
2. We gave our dog a treat. Normally, giving your dog a chew bone is a good thing, right? And he was definitely happy to have it, chewing away on it all night.
But our Labrador has a sensitive stomach, and the last few days have been a lesson is just how sensitive it is. The poorly pup has completely forgotten that the house is not for peeing in. Or puking on.
I've been dealing with his illness all day today, and after untangling his lead from a thorny bush because he got tangled up as soon as the sun went down, I experienced something akin to post natal depression: WHY COULDN'T I HAVE A DOG WHO KNEW HOW TO PEE?
Meanwhile he just stood there, tail wagging, knowing damn well that I loved his stupid face.
This is why I'm not allowed to have kids. I can't even deal with a dog acting like a toddler for two days, there's no way I'd cope with the real deal.
3. I failed at cooking an omelette. This sounds minor compared to everything else, and it is, but I messed up a friggin omelette The simplest of meals.
I THOUGHT I COULD DO IT. I THOUGHT I WAS CAPABLE.
I THOUGHT WRONG.
As a result I've given up on nutrition entirely and I'm surviving on microwavable burgers for the night.
Ah well. It'll be April in a few hours.
Nothing to worry about in there, but I'm not sure if I want to know what's in the other 35%....
“Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
Jim from IT by day. Consulting Criminal by night. Sometimes, both worlds collide.
Quotes (paraphrased) from the IT Crowd. Inspired by this awesome gif. I couldn’t resist expanding on that.
“Yes, hello, this is Moriarty Computers. What, really? All over the keyboard? Again? Well, alright. There’ll be an extra charge, though. I hate working with blood, means I have to wear latex gloves. No, no, it’s fiiiiine. Jim’ll fix it.”
For context, the wonderful original video these images are based on:
I think this is a feeling everyone should be familiar with. And if they're not, they should drink more tea.
Life is exciting, guys. Exciting and FUN.
As a Brit, I can promise you this is completely factual.