On Macaroni

I am terrible at cooking. Really terrible. I hate cooking main meals with a fiery rage only comparable to the red mist that descends when I’m put in front of a mountain of dirty dishes.

I’m just not one of those people who enjoys preparing food. Surrounding myself with a fiance and some mates who love cooking has managed to introduce me to a few wonders like garlic, peppers, and even (if I’m feeling brave) seasoning! But I doubt I’ll ever truly love it.

My cooking method tends to go like this:

– Can I take it straight from the freezer to the oven and go do something else for a while? Okay, done.

– Is it microwavable? Eh, sure, why not.

– You want me to cook it on the hob? On a pan? I can try. I guess…

– RAW MEAT?! OH NO GET IT AWAY FROM ME I’LL KILL US ALL.

I’m reluctantly working my way into using the pan for frying things, and I’ve improved slightly in not accidentally prodding  everything I can contaminate after touching raw meat. We’re getting there.

Unfortunately for me, my cooking-skills-endowed other half is working night shift quite often these days, which tend to leave me sitting in a house considering cooking and drawing a great big blank where ideas should be.

A few nights ago, when I was sitting procrastinating and ignoring the hunger in my stomach, I suddenly had an idea:

MACARONI. WITH CHEESE.

I headed for the kitchen, visions in my head of Heinz microwavable macaroni sprinkled with extra strong cheddar. It would almost be like a proper meal!

I opened the cupboard door, looked inside and…

Oh no.

No macaroni.

NO MACARONI ANYWHERE.

It was snowing, and there was a thick layer of ice on the ground. Could I really venture out there in the cold wind for a tin of macaroni? The thought of it chilled me.

I stared at the cupboard plaintively, wondering at my own lack of preparations.

Then I saw my savior before me:

So I happily boiled up a 50/50 split of milk and water, melted in some butter, boiled it and then simmer the macaroni for 10 minutes on the hob before decorating it with cheese.

IT WAS GREAT. Too big a meal for one person, but still good.The only thing I really should have done better was throwing in some veggies, like broccoli.

That’s about as magical as my cooking gets.

Still, it could always get worse…

I know quite a few people who smother this stuff in tomato sauce. I know the cheese flavouring is ridiculously artificial  tasting, but covering it in sweetened tomato ketchup is just. Ugh. THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

(These people also include my fiance…)